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Thank You 2021!

Dearest 2021,

Tomorrow you will be forgotten as 2022 stands in a queue, so I thought I’ll say a proper goodbye and Thank You.

Thank you for testing me, Your coarseness made me resilient. Thank you for being lethargic, Your dullness reminded me of ‘dolce far niente’ – the sweetness of doing nothing.

Thank you for your reluctance, Your drawing back fuelled me to take the first step, which resulted in my ‘firsts’. Thank you for being cold, Your coldness forced my dreams and desires to burn brighter.

Thank you for being an accomplice to some, Your disguise made me worldly-wise. Thank you for breaking my heart, Your cruelty brought all my senses to come alive.

Above all, I thank you, for being with me all through, As your presence reminded me that no matter what, I get to breathe and say aloud, “God, you’re too kind, Thank You”.

Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Adieu 2020

Dear 2020, you have been a highly intense year which offered a lot of time to go through a very strong and prolonged self-reflection and self-observation. I have oscillated a lot with who am I, what I say, how I behave, what I believe in, how I express, what I eat, where am I in this world, how it affects me and how it makes me act and react.

You gave a lot of time to me to withdraw, to retreat, to pause and reflect, to review my past, my life, my lifestyle, my habits and choose to live healthier, to choose to be in sync with nature, to choose to reconnect with lost parts of myself and to learn to live in accordance to my true needs.

I have learned to take better care of myself. Many times I have experienced some mental crisis and felt as if I’m losing my mind which has shifted my way of thinking and behaving. My spiritual being has started awakening and I started remembering who am I.

I have made a spiritual breakthrough and decided to become more responsible in spiritual sense, to become a better person, to build my center and find my stable point. Now I’m ready to continue my journey, off I go, to my new self.

Thank you 2020 for being incredible in many ways. Thanks for being the year of self-realisation and making me understand what I’m to others and vice-versa. You helped me tear apart many confusions. Incredibly grateful and unbelievably blessed!!

Photo by Viktor Vasicsek on Unsplash

Be grateful and relish the uncertainty

Every soul that crosses our path has a purpose. Sometimes they come to tell us something, to help us in some way, and then go. They came because we needed them. And we never see them again. Sometimes people turn up in our lives and hurt us – they came to teach us something we couldn’t learn on our own. And some people come to stay.

Some people will test you, some will use you, some will bring out the best in you, but everyone will teach you something about yourself. If something is not working out that means more lessons need to be learned to arrive at whatever best for us.

Every person, whether they come for a moment, a season, or a lifetime, has some work with us. There are no accidents, only incidents which further leads to a beautiful path we never thought of!

I feel there are two things we can do. First, to be grateful to each one of them who came into our lives. And second, relish the uncertainty, cause that’s what makes our lives fun.

 

 

 

 

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

What do you do of the feelings…

 

What do you do of the feelings that you can feel deep in your bones…no not like calcium deficiency, more like piercing through your soul like beams of light…

 

What do you do of the feelings that you have never experienced…no not like you are brain dead, more like walking on water, you can imagine it but you know it may never be true…

 

What do you do of the feelings you are too scared to be led by…and no not in a boogie man in your closet kind of scary, more like letting yourself be absolutely consumed by someone…

 

 

City of Stars

As mentioned in my last blog post, I’m sharing my reflection of another movie I truly adore is La la Land. Ever since I have watched La la land, somewhere my approach towards love has been changed. Rather every time I watch it I could be able to extract a new meaning out of it.

The movie is all about Sebastian and Mia as two individuals who fell in love, but the pursuit of their careers takes precedence over any effort to try to maintain their relationship. While they don’t end up together in the end, they create a foundation for a loving relationship built on support and trust. Even though they aren’t romantically involved in the end, they continue to hold great admiration and respect for each other as they mature into the worlds they worked so hard to break into; something that could be regarded as a “real-life” relationship.

I think these two characters help inspire each other’s dreams and the way that unfolds means that they can’t end up together but that their love isn’t any less important. What I really love about this story is that in the end, even though she’s happily married and has a baby, that this movie celebrates those loves which came before and the ones which are just as important as the love you have now.’ It’s about how important each person is in your journey wherever you’re going.

Apart from the realistic storyline, I immensely fell in love with this very song, City of Stars. I get so mesmerized with the feel it brings to me every time I listen to it. The music, lyrics, everything about this song makes me so speechless that I decided to dig out the deeper meaning of it. While surfing I got this marvelous piece of thought on June Marshall- Kingsley’s blog myspiritualcoach. She has rendered such a beautiful meaning to this song which gave me an altogether new perspective to look at it. Here is what she explains,


 

~ City of stars Are you shining just for me?

  • We personalize the universe and think that it is all happening for us. In one sense it is because we are an inseparable part of the universe.

~ City of stars There’s so much that I can’t see. Who knows?

  • We are limited by our physical senses and this is frustrating to us. We want to be able to predict the future and make it secure and certain. But there are too many variables and we cannot really know.

~ I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you That now our dreams They’ve finally come true

  • This is what happens when we encounter our soul mate. The inner loneliness that makes us feel like we are half of something is gone and we have now found the other half that makes us feel whole.

~ City of stars Just one thing everybody wants There in the bars And through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants It’s love

  • The city is busy with people who are desperate for love, though they dull their emotions through drinking and eating at the “in” places, they all are like little children, looking for love and affection, warmth and closeness.

~ Yes, all we’re looking for is love from someone else
A rush
A glance
A touch
A dance
A look in somebody’s eyes
To light up the skies
To open the world and send it reeling
A voice that says, I’ll be here
And you’ll be alright

  • The point here is that we are not finding love within ourselves. We are looking outside ourselves for a sense of completeness. This may be a doomed effort because we must love ourselves deeply and sincerely first. We must cherish ourselves and find that peace within. Because no one will ever be able to do that for you.

~ I don’t care if I know
Just where I will go
‘Cause all that I need is this crazy feeling
A rat-tat-tat on my heart

  • It’s exhilarating to fall in love and be in love. It feels so good to know that someone cares and also excites you. This rush can be addicting like any other drug. And like a drug, when it is withdrawn, it hurts.

~ Think I want it to stay
City of stars
Are you shining just for me?
City of stars
You never shined so brightly

  • Being in love makes all things feel new, fresh, and full of exciting possibilities. We want to stay in that state forever. It is wonderful and miraculous!

 

I feel this song has actually touched that very emotion of being falling in love and every other aspect attached to it…then it could be falling in love with another individual or with ourselves. It depends on which window of soul you’re looking through.

Anyway, love is in the air….yeah it’s already Feb. Happy Valentines’ week everyone!

 

 

 

 

Image credits: Google

The third charm

Since I have moved away from my home, family, friends, and home city, I started to feel secluded, lonely. And though I was avoiding getting addicted to Netflix, I ended up watching drama series. At first, I watched series, movies I was apparently listening about, a lot from all over. Then, I tried every genre available out there on Netflix. After some time I found what I really enjoy. I usually crave the subtle feeling of warmth, coziness and to find the same, I literally being-watched Christmas movies 🙂  Very soon there was not a single Christmas movie left to watch. So I had no option other than turning to Korean drama. As I said earlier I am a person of emotions. Korean dramas are the real treat for people like me, as they emotionally resonate with me.

But this is not the first time I was watching K drama series. I fell in love with them a few years back. The first K drama I had watched was “Full house” which made me addicted back then. And it continued afterward. Over the years due to a few reasons, a kind of gap came in. And now when I moved to a different city altogether with no loved ones around, I was again looking for that cozy feeling and I must say the exact same thing is at the heart of Korean drama…like a staple.

Okay, coming straight to the point. All the above babble is just to give the scape to this blog post :p From here onward I am planning to share my thoughts on dramas or movies I have watched in recent times. Seriously after watching a few of them, I have experienced an outburst of emotions and could not bottle-up them. So here is an attempt to put them in my words.

So, I’ll start with a K-drama- The Third Charm which breaks the norms of a traditional Korean love story plot. They say Korean dramas are unrealistic, boring and blah blah. But apparently, this specific drama proved them wrong. It is very realistic and doesn’t have a fairytale ending which makes it different from most of the K dramas. But it’s so good, so real! The last 4 episodes had me crying buckets because Life is like this, with ups and downs, love unreciprocated, guilt, loneliness, finding yourself, love that can never be replaced, loss, etc. Our lives don’t usually turn out the way we want, not all rosy but a resilient spirit and love from your closed ones helped you pull through, and you will still find joy despite all the pain.

Unlike most romantic stories which do not allow a detailed growth on a character’s love perspective, the series took its strength by showing the character development of the love pairing together, and when they were apart from each other. Right from witnessing their flourishing relationship and peak of their romance until its eventual fallout has made me feel like an invisible friend, who still hope that their beautiful romance will be given another chance. Clear on its focus of walking the highs and lows of the love couple’s journey, you would certainly hope for the best that could happen to them, on the pretext that you have followed what they’ve been through, what wrong choices and judgments they have made, and what really makes them happy, but have to let go because of pride, and failing to reconcile it. This drama honestly orchestrated a picture of how love can break a person — and how that same love could make him whole again.

Aside from a healthy dose of heart-fluttering moments I have experienced from The Third Charm, the series skillfully painted a genuine representation of romantic relationship through the varying perspective and maturity of the lead couple. Starting off on bright notes and lively intervals before getting serious in grasping that love is not always a bed of roses, it culminated to a painful nudge that would make you stare blankly somewhere because you could not argue to accept that love has a limitless definition, that most of the time hurts.

Okay, let’s get back to the creators of this realistic love story. Hats off to the narrator who has rendered such a crisp understanding of feelings of their both, their respective perspectives to look at their lives and coming up with their own ways to make justice to the relationship.

Seo Kang Joon is a damn good actor. He has played the male protagonist. I could totally feel the character’s pain. Oh man, I totally heart him! In my next life, I want to marry someone like him. Oh, why next? Why not now though? Jokes apart. Genuinely he deserves the ‘Best K-drama boyfriend’ award for the myriad of emotions he showed in his portrayal of a man, who can never forget the first woman he ever loved.

Same with Esom. Even she has played her part beautifully well. Her dignified acceptance that she lost an important “solace” in her life meant that she had to pick up her broken pieces because the man who could do it did not deserve to do it for her anymore.

According to me, The third charm gives you the sense that, the love lessons cut deep to people who have experienced the anguish that always comes with heartfelt adoration we feel for someone.

Hmm…I would say, The Third Charm is one of my personal favorites among the love stories I’ve seen this year.

Fall in love with life…

For most time of my life, I believed that it is extremely difficult to fall in love. I always felt, maybe it’s easy for other people to fall in love but not for me. But it’s not really true.

I just read this recently, “Don’t be afraid to fall in love. It’s the only thing that matters in life. Fall in love with as many things as possible.”- Gwyneth Paltrow

Before that I had this relatively new theory: it’s not that I don’t fall in love, it’s that I constantly choose not to feel it. I try not to feel most things. I don’t like feeling sad or overly happy or disappointed. So for the most part, if I start to feel something I don’t want to, I just stop. I don’t let myself. And this might sound insane, but it’s been a decent coping mechanism for years. Maybe because of my few previous experiences…

Recently I and a friend of mine were ruminating about “nothingness” and we spend hours doing the same until she stumbled upon something and said, “I don’t believe that you don’t really feel anything.” So we talked about it. And I decided I would start feeling things. The problem is that when you decide to feel one thing, you have to feel everything. I don’t know how anyone can continue doing it.

Feeling things generally sucks. Life is so disappointing sometimes and people leave your life and you feel lost a lot. But I have observed, through all of that, the most amazing things also happen.

By opening myself up to feeling things, I’ve realized that I can fall in love with things or people or moments for a second. And it’s incredible. I fell in love with the way the sun looked after it rained while I was waiting for that pleasant warmth it has brought with himself. I fell in love with the soothing breeze of air when it brushed my hair while I was rejoicing ‘Rumi’ in my cozy reading nook. I fell in love with a new song when I could able to relate it with my life.

Basically, I have started loving my Life. Within life, there are many things. I have started appreciating each one of them for what they are. Like the flowers, the sun, the ocean, the mountains, friends, relationships, art, music, etc. I have started falling in love with the quite literal idea that each day is a new start, just like this blank canvas and you have all the paints and the brushes you need and can paint whatever you want to.

I think everything is special. There is something to love in just about everything, even if it is a small thing. So falling in love with as many things as possible would mean looking for beauty in everything, yeah?

So, yes! I have started falling in love with the feeling of love ❤  I’m falling in love with the monsoon, the wind, the flowers, the grass, babies, books, coffee, the sunshine, the moon…pretty much everything around me which makes me feel happy and content.

P.S. below is today’s doodle mirroring my current vibes 🙂

IMG_20190905_235952_866.jpg

 

 

Featured image source: Google

Creating something every day…

There are certain days in our life that, on looking back, turn out to have been significant change-makers. Where up until that day, things are a certain way and then from the very point on, everything seems completely different… like everything around has become stagnant and monotonous.

I had one of those days, and it leads me to make a decision and to follow a pretty simple but important rule from then onwards, ‘to create something every day’. Each day, to attempt to wake up and by the end of that day, to feel that I’ve made something new each day. It’s a rhythm I’ve been trying to be in for the coming several years…in that case for the rest of my life and I want to share things that I’ll be creating and learnings by that creation.

I think this could be my defense mechanism to tackle everyday fatigue and mental stress. It’s been a few months now, a strange feeling I get occasionally. I don’t know, where it comes from, but I always find myself thinking about the situation I’m in right now, how stressful it is and whether it will continue to be the same or what….and always end up making outlandish predictions about the overall life.

I experience a similar feeling every after and now, and I’m sure it’s familiar to many of us. You’re going about your day and then suddenly you remember this fact and you get a rush of adrenaline and thoughts. I don’t know what to call this feeling….the feeling of all the adrenaline and confusion. You’d feel if you were a suspended bridge from an unpredictable, dreadful height. It’s not nice – a series of overlapping thoughts about nothingness, cold, the end of things, the unknown sadness and unfairness hitting you at once. It will be different for all of us, yet I find it surprising that there is no name for that moment.

I can figure out now, that there are few ways to respond to this. One way is to keep that whole chain of thoughts back into the place from where it came and just get on with your life and trying not to think about it which is beyond almost all of ours control. Another might be to reach for whichever religion you adhere to and hold on tight to a belief in the presence of angels who will guide you on the pathway. But, I don’t believe in such things though I’m a spiritual person as I have always believed that we have got the mere ability to choose our own path and walk it on our own. When I create my own path I take its mere ownership and choose to create and live the life I want.

So, my reaction is, ‘creativity’ which I think I’m gifted with by birth. I hope to recover, heal myself using my creativity, which made me take the decision to do one thing in response – to create something every day. I think it is based on one quote which came into my reading, “when things might not be perfect, you can still find beauty and purpose there nonetheless”. But purpose won’t appear in front of us on its own. we have to take steps forward to find it and make our life worth living.

For years I was learning something new every day by reading or just by observing all around, absorbing everything I could from it, which has helped me in gaining richer experiences in various aspects and at various stages of my life. But at some point, you feel overwhelmed with all those flowing within you and feel the need to pour it out to create something or achieve a greater good in our life. In my case, it is just to be at peace. And hence, this attempt.

I think there is no specific time to start something new which will bring you a sheer, simple joy of happiness. They also say, “better late than never”. So, here I go…starting today…and I did it already I guess…wrote down this long piece, full of my emotions which I was holding back for a quiet long.

Nope, that won’t be fair… It’s just an introduction to explain what I’m going to start. So, my first ‘something’ I’ve created is,

 

~  HOPE ~

A few months back I read the book called ‘Ikigai’, which means a goal of life, a reason which will make you jump out of your bed each morning with utter joy. Which ultimately means an extensive search for yourself. My ‘Ikigai’ is – HOPE…of finding something positive every day which will change my otherwise regular, ordinary life into something joyous…step by step. It could be found anywhere, in any situation, anytime, in any shape or size…but it will sprinkle those drops of simple joy…nothing more! Cause I believe, happiness rests into little things….little things come together and create a greater joy!

 

1.Rainbows_1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image source: Google

Grateful for what’s gone. Thankful for what’s to come!

They say, a year changes a lot! Indeed it does.

2018, You were the most remarkable and transformative year of my life. But I didn’t treat you the way one should. Being an old soul trapped in the twenty-first century, I have always wondered if people thought of me when a certain song came on, cause I do it often for others. I have wondered if my face was important enough to be looked for in a crowded room. I’ve always wondered if I still even existed in the minds of people that I don’t speak to anymore. I wonder how many times a day I pass through someone’s mind. And I’m sorry about that…for wasting precious time you have offered me, by being stuck in unnecessary stuff like this.

But I’m grateful to you. You gave depth to my thoughts, made me emotionally independent which was one of my life goals…the one I have always felt hard to achieve. But you made it happen so effortlessly… without giving a slight idea of pain, struggle it requires to go through. And you will be cherished for this, ‘Always’!!

To the tired me due to a life full of assumptions, you gave the courage to say goodbye to what-ifs and maybes. And so many other things which were beyond my reach were like a dream to me before, you made them come to existence…you gifted this everything to me with all your hands wide open. All these things…the feeling of being optimistic and strong…these all are invisible reminders from you to me not to delve into the past and to be at the very moment. Thank you so much for this precious vision!!!!

Today I’m looking forward to welcome a whole new year in front of me, to make it shine bright with sheer happiness and a pearl of whole new wisdom you have given me. And with this utterly new year’s magic in my heart, I wonder, ‘where is the girl that I was at the beginning of last year?’ And before my eye blinks, a voice comes from within…aha, you are not allowed to get stuck back there…stop worrying about the future…be in today, look into now. Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and making the most of the moment you are in now.

And here I am so grateful for what’s gone, thankful for what’s to come…grateful to be happy, content today!!! Goodbye, dear 2018! Welcome aboard 2019!!

Image Source: Google